O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
