It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think i got beer on your cat.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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