its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
