I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
