Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
