Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
