After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
