Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
