Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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