separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
