She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
