One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
