he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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