I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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