I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize