I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
