There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
