Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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