im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
