Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
