physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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