Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
