Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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