can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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