but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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