community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
