It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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