I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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