you traded sex for a burrito?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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