Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
