It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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