doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
