the condom got lost in my hair
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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