oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
