Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
