I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
