You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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