I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
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Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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