How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
