I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
