Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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