go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
