Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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