Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
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I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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