Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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