Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
