dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
