Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
