So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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