Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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