i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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