she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
