I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
