I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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