Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you never un-have a 4some
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
