you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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