Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
