K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
