hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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