You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
