Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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