Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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