This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
