I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize