so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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