I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
