She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
