Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
