sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
