When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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