What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
