batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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