she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
