Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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