i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
