ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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